Embarrassing Celebrity Pictures

Dannii Minogue is probably drunk

Posted on October 18th, 2006 by Jordan Johnson
File Under: Dannii Minogue, Embarrassing Celebrity Pictures

So it turns out Kylie Minogue has a less horse-looking sister named Dannii. And since Dannii is obviously a worthless piece of crap that probably does nothing but leech off her sister’s success, someone decided to take some pictures of her while she was drunk leaving a club. Which I guess seems like the right thing to do in this situation.

[edit] Okay, so I realized she actually had that song “I Begin To Wonder” a couple years back, but my point still stands. [/edit]

What the hell happened to Kaley Cuoco?

Posted on October 16th, 2006 by Jordan Johnson
File Under: Embarrassing Celebrity Pictures, Kaley Cuoco

I guess I was unaware of it, but right now it’s obviously Previously-Hot-Girls-Turn-Hideous month. First Jessica, now Kaley. There’s no word yet whether this was a natural deevolution, or if Ken Paves had something to do with this as well. Now when I look at either of them, I’m not sure whether I should run away or call some kind of rabid animal control center to have them removed from the premises.

High quality paparazzi pictures of Kaley Cuoco arriving at the “Night at The Comedy Store”:

Cameron Diaz epitomizes fug

Posted on September 21st, 2006 by Jordan Johnson
File Under: Cameron Diaz, Embarrassing Celebrity Pictures

For those of you who were confused as to why I would say Cameron Diaz is extremely unattractive in this post, may I present the specimen in Exibit A. If you somehow manage to find the thing “person” displayed in these pictures as attractive, then I’ll be forced to conclude that you’re either blind or a necrophiliac. And have a fetish for “girls” with man shoulders.

High quality candid paparazzi pictures of Cameron Diaz at Justin Timberlake’s FutureSex/LoveSounds CD release party on September 13th, 2006:

Christina Milian fuglifies her hair

Posted on September 15th, 2006 by Jordan Johnson
File Under: Christina Milian, Embarrassing Celebrity Pictures

Poor Christina Milian. It’s like she got so depressed at how not-famous she is that she decided to chop off all her hair in hopes of making someone notice her. Except that the only thing I noticed is that it makes her look unique. I’m sorry, did I say unique? I meant ugly.

High quality paparazzi pictures of Christina Milian at the Diesel Store Re-Opening in New York City on September 13th, 2006:

Jessica Simpson dresses like my grandmother

Posted on September 5th, 2006 by Jordan Johnson
File Under: Embarrassing Celebrity Pictures, Jessica Simpson

If there’s one thing I know my baby Jessica Simpson doesn’t have, it’s fashion sense. I think she may have been searching through my grandmother’s closet with she picked out this dress(?). She also needs to fire Ken Paves immediately, because making someone in their 20’s look like they have both a receding hairline and a wig on at the same time is a big no-no.

High quality paparazzi pictures of Jessica Simpson performing on The Early Show at CBS Plaza on September 4th, 2006:

25 more hq paparazzi pictures of Jessica Simpson performing on The Early Show at CBS Plaza, after the jump. (continue…)

Fug and fuglier go shopping together

Posted on August 31st, 2006 by Jordan Johnson
File Under: Cameron Diaz, Drew Barrymore, Embarrassing Celebrity Pictures, Funny Celebrity Pictures

When I first saw these pictures, I was sure it was a sign of the apocolypse. “Aliens have obviously invaded Earth, and we’re all gonna die,” I thought to myself. But then I realized that it’s actually pictures of Cameron Diaz and Drew Barrymore shopping together. Which is actually more unsettling to me. The fact that two people this hideous can come this close to eachother without creating some kind of space continuum vortex totally goes against my 9th grade thesis on how time travel can be accomplished by the year 2010.

High quality candid paparazzi pictures of Cameron Diaz and Drew Barrymore shopping together at Fred Segal’s on August 27, 2006:

Kate Hudson’s son still looks like a girl

Posted on August 31st, 2006 by Jordan Johnson
File Under: Embarrassing Celebrity Pictures, Kate Hudson

Honestly, Kate. You’re not even married to that freak from the Black Crowes anymore. Do you still need to torture your son in this way? If you wanted a girl, just say so. Maybe there’s some place in Africa they’ll do a sex-change operation on a 3 year old. But even if you choose not to, don’t be surprised if he grows an affinity for Disney Princesses in the coming years.

High quality candid paparazzi pictures of Kate Hudson playing with her son Ryder at the beach in Malibu:

Britney Spears wants a chandelier for her new baby

Posted on August 29th, 2006 by Jordan Johnson
File Under: Britney Spears, Celebrity Babies, Embarrassing Celebrity Pictures, Funny Celebrity Pictures

Britney Spears has registered online at Petit Tresor for thousands of dollars worth of baby gifts, including a $1,200 chandelier for her baby’s room:

The pregnant crooner — or some prankster pretending to be her — has registered online for thousands of dollars worth of baby gifts at Petit Tresor, the swank L.A. kiddie store favored by celebs. “Oh, it’s not a fake, she’s having a baby shower soon and has told friends that they can order gifts from the site,” a source tells the Scoop, adding, “It’s not like she’s expecting her friends to buy everything for the baby. She’s already spent like $30,000 at the store.”

And the accessories and furniture strongly suggest that, as rumored, Spears is expecting a girl: although the chandelier features little airplanes, there’s a preponderance of pink and frilly goodies among the merchandise.

I am 99.97% sure that the reason today’s society is so screwed up is because we didn’t have chandeliers as babies. Forget things like “love” and “affection”, the world would be a much better place if we all had had one.

High quality candid paparazzi pictures of Britney Spears out and about in Los Angeles on August 24th, 2006:

Fergie is a tranny

Posted on August 22nd, 2006 by Jordan Johnson
File Under: Embarrassing Celebrity Pictures, Fergie, Funny Celebrity Pictures

So in case you needed anymore proof that Fergie is a man, here it is. Not only does s/he have more makeup on than a $2 whore, s/he’s also wearing a friggin crown! You can’t get much more drag-queen than that. The only way s/he could make it any more obvious is by pulling down his/her pants and teabagging the guy behind him/her.

High quality candid paparazzi pictures of Fergie from the Black Eyed Peas leaving “her” hotel in Berlin on August 19th, 2006:

Hilary Duff still has a pretty smile

Posted on August 16th, 2006 by Jordan Johnson
File Under: Embarrassing Celebrity Pictures, Funny Celebrity Pictures, Hilary Duff

Once you come to terms with the fact that Hilary Duff is part hyena (I’m pretty sure her “sister” is purebred), her smile is actually somewhat attractive.

High quality pictures of Hilary Duff on MTV’s TRL on August 15th, 2006:

And again, I don’t get why people feel the need to change outfits after they appear on MTV’s TRL. But here are some HQ candid paparazzi pictures of Hilary Duff leaving MTV’s TRL in a different outfit on August 15th, 2006: