Celebrity Hookups

Oh look, Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel are together again

Posted on May 17th, 2007 by Jordan Johnson
File Under: Celebrity Hookups, High Quality Celebrity Pictures, Jessica Biel, Justin Timberlake

Okay, obviously girls are lying when they say they don’t care about how much money a guy has. Because I don’t care what you say, there’s no way a guy with pubes on his face is gonna get a girl like Jessica Biel unless there’s some sort of alterior motive. Like money. Or a death threat.

High quality candid paparazzi pictures of Justin Timberlake and Jessica Alba watching Manchester United win on May 12th, 2007:

Zac Efron and Vanessa Hudgens are probably dating

Posted on May 2nd, 2007 by Jordan Johnson
File Under: Celebrity Hookups, High Quality Celebrity Pictures, Vanessa Hudgens, Zac Efron

So Zac Efron and Vanessa Hudgens were spotted together in Hawaii doing a lot more than holding hands like good little Disney Channel Stars. Although admittedly I haven’t seen anyone over the age of 5 kiss a member of the opposite sex like that. I’m guessing the two are dating now, or maybe Disney is trying to go in a more mature direction with their next installment of High School Musical.

High quality candid paparazzi pictures of Zac Efron and Vanessa Hudgens vacationing in Hawaii on April 29th, 2007:

Britney Spears wears a see-through shirt, has a new boyfriend

Posted on April 5th, 2007 by Jordan Johnson
File Under: Britney Spears, Celebrity Hookups, High Quality Celebrity Pictures, Howie Day

Man, a couple years ago, that headline would have had millions of pre-pubescent male teens running to their computer and locking their doors. But now most people are probably more interested in the stain on her shirt than the fact that it’s see-through. Actually, most people are probably not interested in her period.

Oh, also, Britney Spears reportedly has a new boyfriend named Howie Day (another guy she met in rehab). Yeah, I have no idea who he is, either, but if he’s half as smart as Kevin (and let’s face it, who isn’t as smart as Kevin?), he’ll walk away with a couple million dollars in a few years as well. Damnit!

Kevin Federline’s new girlfriend might be hot

Posted on April 2nd, 2007 by Jordan Johnson
File Under: Celebrity Hookups, High Quality Celebrity Pictures, Kevin Federline

That’s it. I’m convinced Kevin Federline is actually some kind of voodoo magician. First he gets Britney Spears (when she was still hot), then he gets $1 million in their divorce settlement, and now he’s with this chick. You can’t really see her face in the pictures, but she definitely has a kick-ass body. Honestly, the guy must be some kind of evil genius. And all this time I thought he was just some wannabe wigger from southern California.

High quality candid paparazzi pictures of Kevin Federline’s new girlfriend leaving his house in Tarzana after spending the night at his house:

Lindsay Lohan might be “dating” James Blunt

Posted on March 28th, 2007 by Jordan Johnson
File Under: Celebrity Hookups, James Blunt, Lindsay Lohan

So apparently Lindsay Lohan has been having sex with “dating” James Blunt. And while Lindsay Lohan isn’t all that hot to begin with, she should at least be able to find guys that don’t look like forest animals. Every week I think her standards can’t get any lower, but she always proves me wrong yet again. Last week she was hitting on a chair, and now she’s sunk to this level. I’m afraid to even guess what’s next.

Paris Hilton has a new boyfriend - Josh Henderson

Posted on March 20th, 2007 by Jordan Johnson
File Under: Celebrity Hookups, High Quality Celebrity Pictures, Josh Henderson, Paris Hilton

So apparently, that guy is Paris Hilton’s new boyfriend. And by “boyfriend”, I mean “guy she had sex with more than once in the past week”. Actually, she’s probably had sex with plenty of guys more than once in the past week. So I wonder what makes this dude so special. Maybe it’s because he has a lollipop. I bet Paris likes lollipops. The idea of having two hard objects in her mouth instead of just one probably really gets her going.

Update: The guy’s name is Josh Henderson. Yeah, it’s the guy that was in Scene 23 and briefly dated Ashlee Simpson.

First picture of Britney Spears and Jason Filyaw together

Posted on March 16th, 2007 by Jordan Johnson
File Under: Britney Spears, Celebrity Hookups, Jason Filyaw

So here’s the first picture of Britney Spears and Jason Filyaw together. Don’t they look happy together? And by “happy”, I mean “drugged up”. Also, this picture confuses me, because it appears that Britney has hair in it. Or a straw basket on her head. Yeah, actually, I think it’s the second one.

Britney Spears dating Jason Filyaw?

Posted on March 15th, 2007 by Jordan Johnson
File Under: Britney Spears, Celebrity Hookups, Jason Filyaw

So Britney Spears has apparently found a new boyfriend named Jason Filyaw. And no, they didn’t meet in rehab. Britney’s not that stupid, after all. They met at her AA meetings. Now sure, most of you might say that meeting a boyfriend at an AA meeting is probably not the best idea. However, compared to the guys that Britney’s dated in the past, someone from her AA meetings is actuall a huge step up. I mean, at least this guy is a living, breathing individual, and not the couch Britney was rumored to be hitting on last week.

Paris Hilton and Stavros Niarchos might be back together

Posted on February 26th, 2007 by Jordan Johnson
File Under: Celebrity Hookups, High Quality Celebrity Pictures, Paris Hilton, Stavros Niarchos

I guess now that nobody seems to care about Paris Hilton anymore, she decided it was a good time to latch on to her multi-billionaire, on-again-off-again boyfriend Stavros Niarchos. God knows why this guy keeps getting back with her since he’s filthy rich. Maybe it’s fun to see how many new STD’s she’s picked up since they were last together.

High quality candid paparazzi pictures of Paris Hilton and Stavros Niarchos at The Grove in Los Angeles on February 24th, 2007:

Nicole Richie and Joel Madden are the hottest couple ever

Posted on February 26th, 2007 by Jordan Johnson
File Under: Celebrity Hookups, High Quality Celebrity Pictures, Joel Madden, Nicole Richie

Who knows was I was thinking when I said Gisele Bundchen and Tom Brady were the hottest couple ever? They can’t even compare to how amazing Nicole Richie and Joel Madden look in these pictures. Who needs things like facial symmetry and toned muscles when you exude this much sex appeal? I can only imagine how many people’s dreams have been crushed now that these two are rumored to be engaged.

High quality candid paparazzi pictures of Nicole Richie and Joel Madden out and about in Hollywood on February 24th, 2007: