Celebrity Breakups

Jessica Simpson and John Mayer broke up again

Posted on June 6th, 2007 by Jordan Johnson
File Under: Celebrity Breakups, High Quality Celebrity Pictures, Jessica Simpson, John Mayer

So I think this is like the 12th time I’ve heard about Jessica Simpson and John Mayer breaking up. Although the other 11 times, I don’t think Jessica Simpson was wearing what appears to be a towel as a dress. So that makes this time newsworthy in my book. Oh, and I think John might have stolen Jessica’s dog, too. You heard it here first!

Britney Spears got dumped

Posted on February 7th, 2007 by Jordan Johnson
File Under: Britney Spears, Celebrity Breakups, Isaac Cohen

Isaac Cohen has officially ended his relationship with Britney Spears as of Sunday. Apparently he broke up with Britney on the phone while she was in New York and he was in Los Angeles.

According to a friend of Isaac, 25, he has been “looking to get out of the relationship for a while. “It was a bit much for him,” the friend tells OK! “There was a lot of drama - it was too much of a whirlwind. It wasn’t one thing in particular. He likes her. They had a good time together. He was doing his best to help her out - but there is only so much one person can do.” What’s next for Isaac? “Hanging out with the guys and riding his dirt bike,” says the friend.”

The weird thing is, three years ago, a guy breaking up with Britney Spears would have been a sure sign that he was gay. Nowadays, however, it’s sort of like a testament to the guy’s sanity (although it’s still questionable why he’d start dating her in the first place).

Scarlett Johansson broke up Justin Timberlake and Cameron Diaz

Posted on January 11th, 2007 by Jordan Johnson
File Under: Cameron Diaz, Celebrity Breakups, Celebrity Hookups, Justin Timberlake, Scarlett Johansson

Scarlett Johansson is apparently the reason that Cameron Diaz and Justin Timberlake broke up. According to reports, Cameron Diaz found out that there was a possibility that Justin would hire Scarlett to be in his music video, and forbade him from doing so since Scarlett had previously been very flirtatious with him and is widely known for having a “crush” on him. However, Justin went behind Cameron’s back and hired Scarlett anyway. And, on top of that, the two reportedly left the set together, sealing the end of Justin and Cameron’s relationship.

And while that’s all juicy and exciting, there’s something even bigger going on in this post: For the first time ever, I can honestly say that Scarlett Johansson is the hottest person in this story.

Bridget Moynahan is sad

Posted on December 19th, 2006 by Jordan Johnson
File Under: Bridget Moynahan, Celebrity Breakups, Tom Brady

Apparently Bridget Moynahan is so upset over her breakup with Tom Brady that she has stopped eating. She even tried to get back together with him, but he refused. She probably realized that nobody can really follow-up Tom Brady. Except for me of course. But I don’t date girls that are closer to my mom’s age than mine.

Tom Brady broke up with Bridget Moynahan

Posted on December 15th, 2006 by Jordan Johnson
File Under: Bridget Moynahan, Celebrity Breakups, Tom Brady

Tom Brady ended his relationship with that chick from “I, Robot”, Bridget Moynahan. Bridget’s rep has stated:

“(They) amicably ended their three-year relationship several weeks ago. We ask for your respect and consideration of their privacy. No further comments will be made.”

I’m betting the real reason for the breakup has something to do with Tom Brady being the super-famous, super-rich quarterback from the New England Patriots, and Bridget being… well… nothing.

Kevin Federline is threatening Britney Spears

Posted on December 13th, 2006 by Jordan Johnson
File Under: Britney Spears, Celebrity Breakups, Celebrity Feuds, Kevin Federline

Kevin Federline is threatening to write a tell-all book about how bad of a parent Britney Spears is unless she gives him $20 million and full custody of their two children. MSNBC reports:

“Kevin is either hoping a publisher will pay him big money for the book or that Britney will cough up more cash than what’s in their prenup [an estimated $360,000 in spousal support plus $7 million from the sale of their Malibu, Calif., home] to keep him from spilling the beans.”

Federline wants sole custody of their two children as well as a settlement of at least $20 million, reports Star, and is alleging that he can “prove that Britney is an unfit mother” by revealing her partying ways both while she was pregnant and when their babies were born.

As part of his evidence against Spears, Federline is reportedly prepared to use a video he shot - which has appeared on YouTube - in which Spears babbles incoherently.

“Kevin says he filmed it just a week before Brit filed for divorce,” a source told the Star. “He told me, ‘I want the world to see that Britney is an unfit parent and that she’s not in her right mind.’”

The video they’re referring to can be seen here. It’s doesn’t really reveal anything other than the fact that Britney Spears and Kevin Federline probably have lower IQ’s than the average 7-year-old. Why the government hasn’t forced them to become celibate for the good of mankind yet is beyond me.

Nicole Richie probably puts out

Posted on December 13th, 2006 by Jordan Johnson
File Under: Celebrity Breakups, Celebrity Hookups, Hilary Duff, Joel Madden, Nicole Richie

Page Six is claiming that Joel Madden left Hilary Duff because she refused to sleep with him. Which I guess means that even people that look like horses have standards. Anyway, Joel apparently went running to the skankiest woman he could find, aka Nicole Richie, to get some nookie. Which makes me worried, because having blue-balls for the 2+ years he and Hilary were together still shouldn’t make him want to stick it in something that looks like this almost naked.

Kevin Federline was planning to divorce Britney Spears first

Posted on November 8th, 2006 by Jordan Johnson
File Under: Britney Spears, Celebrity Breakups, Kevin Federline

Britney Spears‘ sudden divorce from Kevin Federline may have been due to her finding out that Kevin was already meeting with divorce lawyers while on his tour. Life & Style reports:

When contacted by Life & Style, Kevin’s rep seemed to have no idea that Britney had filed divorce papers. In fact, insiders say Kevin was preparing a divorce bombshell of his own.

As early as last May, Kevin, 28, began secretly meeting with his lawyer, Mark Kaplan, tod work out a settlement deal with Britney, 24. Kevin was prepared to use their son, Sean Preston, now 1, as leverage: If Britney didn’t give Kevin $10 million, plus their $10 million Malibu mansion, he would sue her for custody, claims an insider. “Kevin knows that Sean is Britney’s Achilles’ heel,” an insider says.

But the couple stayed together through the birth of their second son, Jayden James, now 2 months. Yet Life & Style knows that Kevin recently went back to his lawyer for more secret divorce talks — and this time, he had two babies to use as pawns. He was hoping to score a $30 million payday.

“He feels like $10 million is not a generous amount if he and Britney split since he won’t have any part of his sons’ lives,” says an insider.

I never thought I’d say this, but Britney Spears might actually be smarter than I thought she was. Then again, so is a rock. Sometimes I’m shocked and amazed that the girl can put together a [somewhat] coherent sentence.

Britney Spears texted Kevin Federline to let him know she was divorcing him

Posted on November 8th, 2006 by Jordan Johnson
File Under: Britney Spears, Celebrity Breakups, Kevin Federline

In one of the classiest moves I’ve ever seen, Britney Spears texted Kevin Federline to let him know about the divorce. Not only was he doing a live interview, but she texted him precisely while he was bragging about how much she supports and believes in him, and how they’re gonna “take over the world” together or something like that.

Britney Spears has saggy boobs and filed for divorce from Kevin Federline

Posted on November 7th, 2006 by Jordan Johnson
File Under: Britney Spears, Celebrity Breakups, Kevin Federline

Britney Spears made an extremely short appearance on David Letterman last night, apparently to show off her new body (it definitely wasn’t to get props on her “acting” talent, that’s for sure). Unfortunately, all I kept staring at was her boobs, which were practically hanging down to her knees. I thought that wasn’t supposed to happen until you begin collecting social security? And before any of you complain about how sexist I am for saying that, keep in mind that men always think women lose their figure after giving birth.

[update] Apparently Britney filed for divorce from Kevin after appearing on the show. You can view the official document here. [/update]