Celebrity Babies

Suri Cruise is definitely an alien

Posted on July 16th, 2007 by Jordan Johnson
File Under: Celebrity Babies, High Quality Celebrity Pictures, Katie Holmes, Suri Cruise, Tom Cruise, TomKat

Does anyone else see this picture and worry that Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes might be keeping Suri in an oven? Because I’m pretty sure people are supposed to think that babies are “cute” or “cheerful”, not “distant” and “psychotic”. If there was ever a baby that I thought would grow up to be a threat to national security, this is the one.

Christina Aguilera is pregnant

Posted on June 20th, 2007 by Jordan Johnson
File Under: Celebrity Babies, Christina Aguilera, High Quality Celebrity Pictures, Jordan Bratman

Christina Aguilera is 3-months pregnant according to Page Six. Oh, and the fact that she’s getting fat.

The rumors that Christina Aguilera is expecting a baby “are definitely true,” according to a well-placed source. “She’s been telling friends,” said one snitch, who revealed, “she has to be three months now, because she’s announcing it.” This would be the first for Aguilera and her husband, Jordan Bratman.

I’m not sure that having a “well-placed source” tell everyone this is neccesarily the equivalent of her “announcing it”, but whatever. It seems to me that nobody really cares about Christina or her mole-of-a-boyfriend anyway, so even after she has the kid people will still be like “Christina who”?

Holly Madison is probably pregnant

Posted on June 19th, 2007 by Jordan Johnson
File Under: Celebrity Babies, Holly Madison

Holly Madison — Hugh Hefner’s main ho — is probably pregnant with his baby (thanks to the wonders of Viagra, I’m assuming). Of course, her reps deny it, but then she went to Monaco and wore baggy clothes, passed on alcohol, and skipped out on Kendra’s 22nd birthday party. And judging by my extreme expertise when it comes to women, that means she’s either pregnant or she wants a puppy.

Bridget Moynahan still wants you to know she’s pregnant

Posted on April 17th, 2007 by Jordan Johnson
File Under: Bridget Moynahan, Celebrity Babies, High Quality Celebrity Pictures

Didn’t Bridget Moynahan used to be an actress at some point? Because lately it seems like all she’s doing is showing off her baby bump and talking about it wherever she goes. What is she gonna do after she has the baby? Go into retirement? Cause right now she’s only famous for being pregnant with Tom Brady’s first kid. Do you think that, after it’s born, she’ll then try to shove down our throats that she’s the mother of Tom Brady’s first child? Cause I don’t think I can take 18 more years of this.

High quality candid paparazzi pictures of Bridget Moynahan doing a “walking workout” in Santa Monica on April 16th, 2007:

16 more pictures of Bridget Moynahan doing a “walking workout” in Santa Monica, after the jump. (continue…)

Larry Birkhead is the dad

Posted on April 11th, 2007 by Jordan Johnson
File Under: Anna Nicole Smith, Celebrity Babies, Dannielynn Hope, Larry Birkhead

I know how much of a shock this must be to you all, but it was revealed late yesterday that Larry Birkhead is officially the father of Anna Nicole Smith’s baby Dannielynn Hope, although now Anna Nicole’s mother is taking Larry to court for custody over the child. And in all honesty, I don’t know which would be worse. One dated Anna and the other raised her. Dannielynn would probably have a better chance of leading a normal life if she was thrown into the wild and raised by a pack of wolves.

Scary Spice had her baby

Posted on April 3rd, 2007 by Jordan Johnson
File Under: Celebrity Babies, Eddie Murphy, High Quality Celebrity Pictures, Melanie Brown, Scary Spice

Melanie Brown, aka Scary Spice, gave birth to a baby girl early this morning. However, she doesn’t know who the father is, and hasn’t even picked out a name for the baby yet (these things aren’t of the utmost importance to her I guess). In the meantime, she’s just calling it “Baby Brown”. She’s currently claiming that Eddie Murphy might be the father, which he is denying until they do a blood test. And if I slept with that thing, I’d deny, deny, deny too. I’d think girls would find me less attractive if they know I had a baby with a thing that looks like that.

Exclusive: Jessica Simpson is pregnant

Posted on March 23rd, 2007 by Jordan Johnson
File Under: Celebrity Babies, High Quality Celebrity Pictures, Jessica Simpson, John Mayer

Sources have revealed exclusively to JordanIsYourHomeboy.com that Jessica Simpson is pregnant with John Mayer’s baby. They further revealed that her pregnancy is the reason why her relationship with John Mayer has gone public so suddenly, and also why she’s been moody with the paparazzi lately.

I feel bad for the kid. He/she could come out looking like a supermodel, or… well, like John Mayer. If it’s the former, the baby will have a lifetime of happiness and wealth. If it’s the latter… well, let’s hope they realize the baby’s human and don’t accidently throw it in the biohazard container when it’s born.

High quality candid paparazzi pictures of Jessica Simpson and John Mayer out and about in Hollywood on March 21st, 2007:

HQ candid paparazzi pictures of Jessica Simpson hiding her baby bump while going to a party with John Mayer for St. Patrick’s Day on March 17th, 2007:

Bridget Moynahan really, really wants you to know that she’s pregnant. Really.

Posted on March 23rd, 2007 by Jordan Johnson
File Under: Bridget Moynahan, Celebrity Babies, High Quality Celebrity Pictures

Open letter to Bridget Moynahan:

Dear Bridget,

We get it. You’re pregnant. You don’t have to show off your stomach everywhere you go, and talk about your baby on national TV. Tom Brady knows your pregnant. I know you’re pregnant. Everyone with a friggin computer knows you’re pregnant. Tom traded you in for a newer, hotter model, and no matter how much you talk about it, the fact that you’re having his baby isn’t going to win him back. Sorry.

Signed,
Everyone

High quality candid paparazzi pictures of Bridget Moynahan showing off her baby bump while getting take-out in New York City on March 21st, 2007:

HQ candid paparazzi pictures of Bridget Moynahan showing off her baby bump while going to a hotel in New York, NY on March 21st, 2007:

High quality screen captures of Bridget Moynahan talking about her baby bump on “Live With Regis and Kelly” on March 22st, 2007:

First pictures of Pax Thien Jolie

Posted on March 15th, 2007 by Jordan Johnson
File Under: Angelina Jolie, Celebrity Babies, High Quality Celebrity Pictures, Pax Thien Jolie

So, uh, here’s the first picture of Pax Thien Jolie, Angelina Jolie’s new Vietnamese son (his original name was Pham Quang Sang). I’m posting this now cause I wanna beat the other cool kids and be the first to post this. Regular updates will be later today.

High quality candid paparazzi pictures of Pax Thien Jolie and Angelina Jolie at the adoption center in Vietnam on March 15th, 2007:

Tori Spelling gave birth to Liam Aaron McDermott

Posted on March 14th, 2007 by Jordan Johnson
File Under: Celebrity Babies, Dean McDermott, High Quality Celebrity Pictures, Liam Aaron McDermott, Tori Spelling

Tori Spelling and Dean McDermott finally had their first child, Liam Aaron McDermott, yesterday in a Los Angeles hospital. Which is good news, cause it seems like this chick has been pregnant for about two years.

High quality candid paparazzi pictures of Tori Spelling visiting friends in Venice, CA on March 11th, 2007: