Anna Nicole Smith

Anna Nicole Smith’s will

Posted on May 15th, 2007 by Jordan Johnson
File Under: Anna Nicole Smith

So this is Anna Nicole Smith’s official will, that leaves everything to her son Daniel. And surprisingly enough, Anna Nicole Smith was kind of poor when she died. Her net worth was only $710,000 at the time of her passing. As in, she must have spent a looot of money on drugs/alcohol/pills. That, or Howard K. Stern was taking a lot of her money even before she was dead (which is probably the more likely story).

Larry Birkhead is the dad

Posted on April 11th, 2007 by Jordan Johnson
File Under: Anna Nicole Smith, Celebrity Babies, Dannielynn Hope, Larry Birkhead

I know how much of a shock this must be to you all, but it was revealed late yesterday that Larry Birkhead is officially the father of Anna Nicole Smith’s baby Dannielynn Hope, although now Anna Nicole’s mother is taking Larry to court for custody over the child. And in all honesty, I don’t know which would be worse. One dated Anna and the other raised her. Dannielynn would probably have a better chance of leading a normal life if she was thrown into the wild and raised by a pack of wolves.

Anna Nicole Smith did die of an overdose

Posted on March 23rd, 2007 by Jordan Johnson
File Under: Anna Nicole Smith

Star Magazine is reporting that the official cause of Anna Nicole Smith’s death was, in fact, an overdose:

Anna Nicole Smith died with a toxic level of the sleeping medication chloral hydrate in her system. The world exclusive details come days before Broward County, Fla., Chief Medical Examiner Joshua Perper will hold a press conference to announce the former Playboy Playmate’s cause of death … Anna Nicole (also) had a raging blood infection. The infection was caused by an unsterilized needle and contributed to her death. The infection was so serious, it would have killed her if she had not overdosed.

Sadly, the only surprising part of this is that there were only two lethal things in her system at the time of her death. With the types of drugs she was rumored to have done in the past, you’d think some sleeping medication and a blood infection would have been nothing for her body to handle.

Howard K. Stern is “remorseful”

Posted on February 13th, 2007 by Jordan Johnson
File Under: Anna Nicole Smith, Howard K. Stern

This video supposedly depicts Howard K. Stern feeling sad and remorseful for Anna Nicole Smith’s murder “death”. Except instead of “sad”, it looks a lot more like “laughing under his breath”. And instead of “remorseful”, it looks more like “is glad that his plan worked”.

Anna Nicole Smith dies at 39

Posted on February 9th, 2007 by Jordan Johnson
File Under: Anna Nicole Smith

I was on a plane from Los Angeles to Orlando all day yesterday, but I found out this devastating news when I arrived home. Anna Nicole Smith apparently passed out multiple times at the Hard Rock Hotel and Casino in Hollywood, FL before being found dead in her hotel room hours later. She was staying with a nurse, who discovered her body and called 911, but Anna was pronounced dead on arrival to the hospital. Normally I’d say something rude/mean/sarcastic/insulting here, but when someone’s dead it’s generally not very tasteful to do so. Normal scathing updates will return on Monday.

Anna Nicole Smith’s C-Section Video

Posted on November 7th, 2006 by Jordan Johnson
File Under: Anna Nicole Smith

I’m not sure about you, but earlier today, I was thinking to myself how much I’d like to see Anna Nicole Smith’s c-section video. And then, like some sort of miracle, I find it online only a few hours later. I actually am about to go eat, so I haven’t exactly watched the entire thing, but if you want to be one of the first, here you go.

Anna Nicole Smith is a genius

Posted on November 2nd, 2006 by Jordan Johnson
File Under: Anna Nicole Smith

Anna Nicole Smith is currently being accused of dying her baby’s hair black so that it looks more like Howard K. Stern, since Stern has dark hair and Larry Birkhead has blonde hair. And I suppose this would have been a fool-proof plan if it weren’t for the possibility of them doing a blood test to find out who the real father is. I can just see it in court now. “But judge, the baby has black hair, so obviously it’s not Larry’s!”. Howard is a lawyer and this is all he could come up with? What an idiot.

Oh, and I really, really hope there’s something black partially covering her right wrist. If not, she’s entering Nicole Richie territory on her Trimspa diet.

Anna Nicole Smith has a new baby’s daddy

Posted on September 27th, 2006 by Jordan Johnson
File Under: Anna Nicole Smith, Celebrity Babies

Howard K. Stern, Anna Nicole Smith’s infamous lawyer that releases nonsensical statements, revealed yesterday that’s he’s actually the father of her new daughter. The father was originally reported to be a photographer named Larry Birkhead, and now Larry wants a paternity test to see who the real father is. Which is the second dumbest mistake he’s ever made, after sleeping with Anna in the first place.

And here’s a random, overly photoshopped photo shoot of Anna Nicole Smith from I don’t know when: