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So I felt pretty fucking cool when I found out that I was receiving two free tickets to the midnight showing of Spider-Man 3, until I found out it was just because a friend of a friend worked at the theatre and didn’t wanna go. Oh well.
Anyway, the movie starts out slow. And I mean slooow. In fact, Kirsten Dunst actually sings in the beginning. A whole song. Yeah, I was ready to walk out, too. This is a 2 1/2 hour movie that could have been cut to 1 1/2. So you get through the “backstories” and then it comes to the point that Peter Parker gets possessed by the black alien creature thing (in the comic book it’s called Venom, but I don’t think they ever mention that in the movie). And up to this point, there had been some pretty cool fight scenes along the way. But now, the movie goes way downhill. Suddenly, after being possessed, Peter Parker has an emo haircut and wears eyeliner. No, I’m not kidding. Here is the best image I could find that depicts it:
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So basically after Peter becomes emo, he starts being mean and vindictive and blah blah blah, and then he eventually realizes it’s bad to be emo/posessed and then the alien thing overtakes Eddie Brock. And let me just say that Eddie as Venom was the hugest dissapointment ever. In the comic book it’s this huge, ripped, badass creature that towers over Peter Parker. In this one, it’s a fucking scrawny, bug-eyed moron that’s even smaller than Peter. But hey, I guess that’s what happens when you hire the geeky guy from That 70’s Show.
So anyway, the movie culminates after each of the main characters cries at least once. Yeah, cries. In fact, instead of an ending badass fight-scene-to-end-all-fight-scenes, we’re treated to a “touching” scene between Peter Parker and the Sandman. And then a “touching” scene between Peter and Harry. And then another “touching” scene between Peter and Mary Jane. Honestly, had they taken any of this bullshit a step further, the characters would have been making out on the screen. In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if there was some fondling going on off camera for the actors to “get in the mood”. My suggestion? They make an edited DVD that removes all of the stupid emo bullshit in the movie, and only keeps the badass parts. Which would probably make it about 10 minutes long. Shit.
