Weekly Roundup for July 9, 2006 - July 15, 2006

Do you have an affinity for flaming pirates or computer animation? If not, you’re probably one of the two people that didn’t see Pirate of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest last weekend, which broke pretty much every opening weekend record in history. Lindsay Lohan showed us that her entire net worth is probably made up of bikinis, which is okay by me. We still haven’t seen Suri Cruise, but I’ve obtained a Suri Cruise birth certificate that’s probably fake. And speaking of fake, Pamela Anderson aired out her boobs in St. Tropez with a ten year old on board, which is basically the same as the kid seeing a plastic Barbie doll naked. Earlier this week, Paris Hilton claimed that she would be celibate for an entire year, but I’m pretty sure she’s already broken that promise many times over. Eva Longoria showed off her mustache by going out in public without makeup on. Lindsay Lohan got paid to give oral sex on the set of her new movie, but it’s unconfirmed whether or not it’s actually part of the story. Kevin Federline made $700,000 of his own money in the past 4 months, proving that knocking up a rich popstar really does have its advantages. Beyonce premiered a music video for her single “Deja Vu”, which basically consists of her convulsing uncontrollably in different outfits. Jessica Simpson celebrated her 26th birthday in Cabo by posing for a non-existant photoshoot and holding a blanket over her stomach. Another photo of Britney Spears was released from her Harper’s Bazaar photoshoot; I’m guessing it took them this long to finish airbrushing it. Angelina Jolie stole Jennifer Aniston’s role in an upcoming movie produced by Plan B Productions — the company started by Brad and Jennifer, and awarded to Brad in their divorce settlement. And finally, Pamela Anderson found a way to show off her rock-hard nipples while wearing both a sweater and a bra under it.

5 Most Popular Articles This Week:

1. Pirates of the Caribbean 2 is popular (10 comments)
2. Pamela Anderson is topless in St. Tropez (10 comments)
3. Proof that Suri Cruise is alive. Sort of. (9 comments)
4. Lindsay Lohan owns a lot of bikinis (8 comments)
5. Beyonce is tribal in her new “Deja Vu” music video (8 comments)