Jessica Alba makes out with monkeys

So after hearing all about Jessica Alba having sex with dolphins, I found out today that she also has previously made out with a monkey.

The sexy Sin City star fears she’ll never forget the gross kiss, when an amorous female ape with bad breath got too friendly.

She tells MTV News, “She looked right into my eyes, seductively, and shoved her long monkey tongue down my throat.”

“Monkey’s tongues feel oddly serpent-like; it was very long and skinny. Her breath smelled bad. I’m not sure what she was eating that day - maybe her own poo… She was wearing a diaper.”

I’m not sure if this means that Jessica Alba’s hotness is so powerful that it transcends our species, or that Jessica Alba has a secret lesbian bestiality fetish that nobody knows about. Either way, I know that there are plenty of you that would eat monkey poo just to be closer to Jessica, so the good news is that she’s already accustomed to the taste.